Dinner Shenanigans


(Warning: This post has nothing to do with the game of Life)

One thing you may not know about me is that I love to cook/bake. Something about bringing single ingredients together to make something delicious is good for my soul. When I have time I love to try new recipes out on my family. My husband loves when it's new recipe week….unless we're dieting, then he pretty much chokes down the rubber chicken because he's a real gem. His fave is when I bring out any of Pioneer Woman's recipes because she.is.the.bomb.diggidy.

My kids have a vastly different view of my cooking. I usually do make relatively healthy meals when I cook for my family which would explain why my children think I'm a terrible "cooker". You see, they're allergic to healthy food. And I had no idea that allergies to food could be so contagious because as soon as one of them says it's gross they all develop the allergy.

That's when we start the game we play every night I cook dinner. It's called "How Many Bites Til I Can Get Up?". I know, I think the title is a bit long too. And don't let the whiny voices fool you, they love this game. I mean, why else would we play it so much?

The best part of the game is watching the kids' facial expressions as they eat the given number of bites. Because I sit across from my oldest, I see his face the most and not gonna lie, I have to look away or I would laugh right in his face. You know, because all good moms laugh when their children are in pain. The furrowed brow. The flared nostrils. The ever so slight convulsions that come from holding back the gag reflex. It's truly a sight to behold. My husband videoed it once without our oldest knowing (because we're good parents) and I must say, it was material for America's Funniest Videos. Watching someone eating something they don't like and ALMOST tossing their cookies will bring tears to your eyes. This video is probably close to 2 minutes long and I don't know about you, but if I was chewing something that long I'd probably gag too.

Another fun part of this game is watching to see how small a bite the kids can get on their fork and still have it count as a bite. We got wise to that one quickly. "No, sweet, just because you mashed up that piece of broccoli into 3 pieces, it doesn't count for 3 bites. But bonus points for creativity." Oh, one of the most important rules of the game is, if they spit out their bite it doesn't count. They have to swallow their food for it to count as a bite. We're nasty parents, aren't we? And, no, they may not go to the bathroom with a bite in their mouth. We had to make that rule after finding chewed up who knows what in the bathroom sink more than once. One point for sneakiness, 0 points for execution.

So I know all of you are just dying to incorporate this game into family dinners if you aren't doing so already. I've asked around and it seems it's a pretty popular game. Let me warn you, it can be as exhausting as a game of Monopoly. And really there are no winners when you're throwing away half a plate of perfectly good food. Try not to think about the starving children in the world as you scrape the food into the trashcan, or you might go ape crazy on your kids about how ungrateful they are getting to eat 3 meals a day when some kids don't even get one. Not that I've done that or anything. I've just heard about it from a friend….

And I know some of you are thinking I should go ahead a rename the blog: #becauseimagoodmom. Because clearly I have so many good parenting tips. I'm seriously considering it.  #thesarcasmisreal