Rio de I could never do that


Can we talk about the Olympics? First of all, can I be honest and tell you I have no idea what it’s like to be the best at something? I don’t say that to get your pity, I’m just saying I wouldn’t consider myself the BEST at anything. Mainly because, typically, the term BEST is subjective. There’s no real contest to find out who the World’s Best Mom is but I’m pretty sure people still buy the mug. (And shame on you if it was not given to you by a child and you bought it for yourself.) It’s difficult to qualify someone as “the best” at something if there’s no clear-cut way to measure it.

I think this is why I’m so enamored with Olympians. These people have trained and competed until they basically beat everyone else in that field IN THEIR COUNTRY to get a spot on the Olympic team. Now, I know some countries are small and these are the places I would have to move to in order to have even a remote possibility of being called “the best” at something, but still. These people get up early and train. They maintain strict diet/exercise/sleep schedules in order to be better at their given sport. They practice the same thing over and over until it is no less than perfect. They will destroy their opponents with minimal effort. They are fierce and breathe tenacity. They are beasts. And I mean all those things in the most complimentary and awe-inspiring way. I’ve never been a beast at anything other than pounding chips and salsa. People that describe me as fierce and tenacious are mistaking me for someone else. I just LOOK like that Indian/Latin/Italian woman that really is fierce and tenacious. It’s an honest mistake.

I think all the Olympians are amazing but can we please discuss the US women’s gymnastics team for a moment? What in the heavens? Is God improving on the way He makes humans post 1995? The only thing that my body can do gymnastically is stand with my legs together and throw my hands in the air like they do at the end of a routine. We are identical at this, basically twins. Anything else and you would think I’m some sort of freak show trying to do what they do. They are the best. Those 5 girls beat out all the other female gymnasts in America to make that team. I can’t begin to imagine the amount of skill and sheer will power it takes to be a gymnast. The early mornings, long days at the gym, strict diets, injuries, pain, competition, and don’t forget, some of these girls also take classes for school. They are beasts, I tell you. I don’t have an ounce of the mental toughness these girls have. And let’s not forget those precious moments where they wait to be judged by people who are looking for every single imperfection in their routine. People just sitting there, lazily, looking for the flaws. If I hadn’t tapped out from the strict diet, this is what would get me. You’re deducting a whole point because I bent my elbows a little and had a tiny hop on my landing?! I would throw up deuces and peace out at that point. Buh-bye. The grit it must take to compete at this level is something I just don’t have; I think that’s why I love watching it.

I will always be amazed and astounded by what these athletes can do. Even the ping-pongers (How do they play the ball that fast?!) So I will be sad when the Olympics are over, but I will enjoy going to bed at a normal hour again. I don’t want to miss it, but my eyelids are sooo heavy come beach volleyball time.

So here’s to you, Olympians, for your incredible accomplishments!


All of us who are binge-eating junk food while watching you do your thing

P.S. Ryan Lochte, can we stop with all this tomfoolery? I don't know what happened in Rio--Were you robbed? Were you making it up? I don't know. Whatever the case may be, we've got enough shenanigans to deal with. I don't know if you know, but Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are running for president. This is all the tomfoolery and shenanigans we can handle. The American people have their limit. Please, get it together.

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