The Secret No One's Telling You About La Croix
Can we talk about La Croix for a minute? So I know it’s the “healthy” alternative to soda, but can we call a spade a spade?
La Croix is nasty bubble water. There I said it.
I know, I know, it’s the “in” drink. People are buying it by the caseload. (Sidenote:: When I went to buy some different flavors of La Croix, I noticed it’s mainly sold by the case. I went to 2 grocery stores, 2 gas stations, and a Walgreens and none of them sold single cans. Well played, La Croix. Wanna know where I found single cans? Whole Foods. Why am I not surprised?)
I’ve seen the ads…young people drinking it while boating, or laying by the pool, or after a yoga class. All of them fashionable and good looking and FUN. Who doesn’t want to be this? In all seriousness, they’re social media marketing is top notch. They’ve made drinking it look like a very desirable lifestyle. But here’s the thing they’re not telling you…it’s gross.
It’s like when people tell you kale is delicious. It’s not. If it tastes good, it’s because there have been MANY additives (i.e. cheese, nuts, dried fruit, olive oil, bacon, etc.) to make it good. And just like kale, La Croix would taste better with some additives. Really just one.
Some good old-fashioned sugar would make that drink sing. If you need it to be evaporated cane sugar so it seems healthier, be my guest. You don’t have to over load it with sugar; just add enough to make it tolerable to taste buds worldwide. I see people drinking it and all I can think is, “Do you really like it or are you faking it to be cool? Surely you don’t actually like it, right?”
I asked a person I saw drinking it once if he really liked it and you know what he said? “I’m trying to force myself to like it, so I keep drinking it.”
I feel bad for thinking La Croix drinkers are liars but I sorta do. Maybe I’m wrong; maybe their tastebuds are more high functioning than mine. I mean, I like Cheetos sooo…
I know it’s cool to drink that’s why I wish my taste buds didn’t reject it. But hand me a La Croix on a hot day and you’ve basically handed me flavored spittle. I don’t get the appeal. It’s in the same realm of a server at a restaurant popping a lemon in my water without asking. Did I ask for sour water or detestable lemonade? No. No, I didn’t. I just want water. With ice. Always with ice.
I WANT to like La Croix, really I do. It’s the trendy thing to drink and who doesn’t want to be “in”? So I decided to do a little taste test. I tried several different flavors to see if I could find one that didn’t make me want to yak. Here’s what I found… the image Youtube chose is uber flattering and may give away my results. I mean, the half-open eyes and the left hand to the heavens...I can't with this image. It's so bad. Enjoy!