You Know You're Getting Old If...

It’s no secret we’re all getting older. No matter who you are, every day you’re one day older than you were the day before. I’m entering my 39thyear next month and was thinking about all the things I do now that remind me I’m getting old-ish. The things on this list are things I’ve noticed myself and/or others doing that remind me I’m no spring chicken. See if you can relate.


1.    Every time you walk into a restaurant for dinner, you wonder why they keep it so dark. And why must I hold the menu so far away to read it? Why are they making the print smaller on the menus?

2.    The best part of your day is putting pajama pants on.

3.    You reward yourself with naps.

4.    You have to do quick math when drinking caffeine in the afternoon to make sure it won’t keep you up all night.

5.    The highlight of your afternoon is watching how well your new drainage system works in your backyard while it rains…Kyle.

6.    When you hear Dave Matthews Band, you immediately think of high school.

7.    You catch yourself saying to your kids, “You know when I was a kid, cartoons only came on on Saturday mornings.”

8.    You think the Bird and Lime scooters are a nuisance and a death wish. Or you have no idea what I’m talking about.

9.    You get really excited when you sleep through the night without waking up to pee. 

10.   You’re thinking about incorporating flax and chia seeds into your diet.

11.    You just got rid of your home phone and still aren’t sure if that was a good idea because “what if…”

12.   You are seeing things you wore in high school coming back on trend. (I know you’ll be shocked to know I have yet to see the Eddie Bauer Rugby shirt tucked into pleated, tapered jeans with a braided belt come back. I was a vision in high school, ya’ll. All of that goodness paired with brown moccasins…my wardrobe was LIT.)

13.   You bruise like a peach and have no idea where they come from. 

14.   You seem to always be “tweaking” something—a knee, your lower back, a shoulder, a hip, you name it you’ve tweaked it. 

15.   Being your “natural” hair color is getting expensive.

16.   You take much better care of your teeth now and your teeth are still crap. How do I still get cavities? I haven’t eaten pixie sticks and fun dip since I was a kid and I still get cavities. Being an adult is ridiculous.

17.     For Christmas, you ask for things like dishes and air compressors. 

18.    You’re high maintenance to get to sleep: sound machine, pillows all the way around your body, melatonin, hot tea, lavender oil, and possibly an eye mask. Why is sleeping so hard now??

19.   You are willing to invest more money in your “lounge wear” bc you’ve decided it’s socially acceptable to wear workout clothes every day and not work out. 

20.  You’ve figured out the things about adulting you thought were magical as a kid are a myth: staying up late just makes you feel like garbage the next day and eating whatever you want all the time just makes your pants tight…hence the reason for wearing “lounge wear”. Being uncomfortable all day in pants with a zipper and button is mizzzzzerable. 


So there you have it. If this resonated with you at all, you’re getting old. My sincerest apologies.